Anal sex: Doing it the right way

Q : I tried anal sex with my wife. Once. Apparently we didn’t know what we were doing but based on some things you’ve said in your stories, it can be intensely pleasurable and we’d like to experience that. So, what is the right way to go about it?

A : I started with anal sex around age 19 or 20. The reason? My boyfriend at the time was too long for me. Weird, eh? I have a retroverted uterus, and I can put a finger inside me and feel my cervix right there, so you can imagine, I just don’t have a lot of room. Bleeding after vigorous vaginal sex is not uncommon. So… I decided to try anal.

And loved it.

Over the years I’ve learned some things I am happy to pass along:

  1. Prepare with foreplay. Stimulate that spot with a finger or even a bullet vibe. Put a small toy in and wiggle it around. Tease it. Relax and grow comfortable with the feeling of something “up in there.”
  2. There is such a thing as too much lube. Too much lube means the cock slides in too fast, which makes me see stars. It can also mean too little friction — and friction is what makes for those amazing anal orgasms.
  3. Some women are sensitive to the prostaglandins in semen, so if you’re going to have anal, its a good idea to use a condom so she doesn’t cramp up later on. And if you are going to use a condom, don’t use a latex one because…
  4. The best lube I’ve found yet, in 20 years of anal sex, is cocoa butter creme (which is oil-based and so latex might break). Rub a dab into her rosebud and the head of your cock and you will have a good ride with just enough friction and not too much glide.
  5. Use a Magic Wand or other vibrator on her clit. Get it firmly pressed there. The pleasure from the clitoral stimulation will help ease the initial pain of penetration.
  6. Tell her to wriggle her ass. Once the head of the cock pops through, it is going to hurt. So wriggling your ass around on that cock really helps.
  7. Let her do the pushing. Let her push herself back up onto you. Have her do her Kegels — clench and release her muscles on your cock. Good muscle control really makes a difference, and clenching and releasing early on makes it easier to get past the pain, relax, and get into the actual sex.
  8. Tell her it is ok to say “stop!” For many women it can be excruciating to have a partner continue thrusting after she’s climaxed.

And one last thing: It is fair for her to say “You first!” I generally don’t let a man near my ass until I’ve shown him how it is done — on him. So if you really want to try anal sex then consider inviting her to play with your ass first. Every man I’ve introduced to the pleasures of anal play has loved it. (But that is a story for another day).

Bottom line, there are as many nerve endings around your anus as there are around your mouth. Yes, anal sex can be intensely painful, but it can also be intensely pleasurable. Anal sex is why “It hurts so good” was coined. Once you’ve had a combined anal and clitoral (or penile) orgasm, you will get why there are so many anal enthusiasts out there ;)

Good luck!