Posts Tagged ‘ Polyamory ’

Is it wrong to want a mistress?

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Is it wrong to want a mistress?

Q: Lately I’ve been struggling with monogomy. My partner is a good man and a considerate lover, but sometimes I want to be with a woman, to enjoy a relationship with a woman. Is it wrong to want a mistress? A: Not at all. One of the fallacies we are socialized to accept as truth is that one person can be all things to another. We find people attractive before we enter a committed relationship, and we will find people attractive afterward. It is unlikely that a single partner can meet all of one’s sexual desires all the time. But more than that, it is about energy. Dyad (monogamous) relationships are often closed systems. The couple gets wrapped up in each other during the NRE (new relationship energy) phase, usually to the exclusion of other people. Which can temporarily heighten that NRE high, but inevitably leads to an energy crash…

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Polyamory: Safer-sex

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Polyamory: Safer-sex

Image via Wikipedia I received an email from someone the other day asking: Hey Silken, this whole polyamory thing makes me nervous because I’m paranoid about getting an STD.  Doesn’t being poly increase your risk of STDs? I’d think poly people practice safe sex, but doesn’t that get in the way of intimacy? 1) There is no such thing as “safe sex”.  Not even masturbation is safe sex, since you can give yourself something if you don’t keep your toys clean. So, when we take precautions, it is safer-sex, but its still not 100% safe. 2) Practicing safer-sex is very, very important. But in poly-sexual situations it is critical. This is the 300# gorilla in the room that no one wants to talk about because it may seem paranoid, untrusting, crude, or melodramatic. As a proponent of polyamory, I am also an advocate of safer-sex practices, because the last thing…

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Polyamory: Know Thyself First

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Polyamory: Know Thyself First

Image via Wikipedia Earlier today the friend of a friend sent me an email: “I am currently working on reading the second edition of The Ethical Slut… was wondering if you had any ideas of other books I could read on poly that are any good?” Here is my response: Regarding polyamory and reading material — I’ve not read *any* books on it and very little in the way of online material. I come to polyamory by nurturing — my parents are poly and I lived communally until I was 10 or so. So I can’t really recommend any reading material from personal experience of it. I actually own The Ethical Slut but I’ve not read it. Why? I found myself resisting reading it and after thinking about it, decided that I didn’t want to influence my own innate understanding of it with someone else’s attempt to explain it or…

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