Posts Tagged ‘ Advice ’

Q: Is my fantasy unhealthy?

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Q: Is my fantasy unhealthy?

I received an email from a listener today and I thought I’d share it because this gentleman isn’t as alone as he thinks and I see this as a great opportunity to address a topic that creates a lot of ambivalence and shame in people: The problem is I’ve become obsessed with the idea of ‘forced orgasm’ and rape and I dont know if I should hate myself for it.  I understand that such fantasies are acceptable in women because they are actually still in control so its not a breach of their consent.  But I wondered if it was ok for men to have these fantasies – given that from a male perspective, consent is imagined to be denied. Is it worse for men to have these fantasies than women? Should I try to focus on more healthy fantasies? My response to him was: This is a very controversial…

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Q: “You want sex? Now??”

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Q: “You want sex? Now??”

The more stressed I am, the more I want sex. Want it to the point where I can find repeated statements in my journal to the effect that I felt I needed sex. Not comfort, not conversation, not food, not sleep. Sex. Which many people I know consider rather strange. “How can you want sex at a time like this?” is a question I was asked recently, and not for the first time. I’ve noticed a correlation between my drive for sex and my exposure to stress, especially that very un-sexy form of stress relating to death and dying. Given that in the past three years there have been five cancer diagnoses, two non-cancer related catastrophic illnesses, two deaths, and one impending death in my family, as well as my tendency to write down my thoughts and experiences, I’ve got a wealth of anecdotal material chronicling my responses to this…

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Libidinous Celibacy

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Libidinous Celibacy

Silken on Sex #66: Celibacy has been in the news lately, and I don’t just mean the pious form of celibacy. I’m talking grown women and men choosing celibacy as a form of their sexual self-expression. Yes, that’s right: Celibacy is a form of sexual self-expression — it is possible to be celibate without being chaste. (Can you say masturbation boys and girls?) I am an advocate of the practice of libidinous celibacy. At first the juxtaposition of those two words would appear to be paradoxical, but I know from personal experience that such is not the case. A libidinous person may be someone who has lustful thoughts or is otherwise preoccupied with the drives of the libido…without necessarily acting upon them with a partner. Few adults can abstain from sexual intercourse (ie, be celibate) and not experience rising frustration at the sublimation of such a primitive and instinctual biological…

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When A Fetish Takes Over

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When A Fetish Takes Over

Silken on Sex #61: In this episode, Silken answers a question from one of her listeners, Paul, who asked for help in dealing with a fetish that has taken over his sexuality, making it difficult for him to climax during sex with his wife. If you have questions for Kayar Silkenvoice, you can email ask@silkenvoice.com or send feedback to feedback@silkenvoice.com

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