What a painful thing it is to realize that I live in a society that devalues friendship. Especially hetero-sexual friendship.
Friendship is a source of love and acceptance and communion. And yet, women are encouraged to see other women as mere competitors, and men as potential providers and mates. And men, they are encouraged to develop the same mindset. Their male friends are buddies with whom they jokingly compete, and women are objects to be desired.
So it seems that friendships between men and women, even in this post-sexual revolution era, are awkward and easily discouraged. This, despite the fact that friendships between men and women provide amazing benefits. Men can express to women the thoughts and feelings that they would never express to other men, the thoughts and feelings that society considers weak and unmanly, and have them validated. And women, knowing economic independence and reproductive choice, can go to men with their thoughts and ideas, not as beggars and dependents, not merely tolerated as objects of sexual gratification, but appreciated as intellectual equals.
Today, when a man and a woman meet in friendship, it is possible for us to meet as people, to touch the humanity in each other, to enjoy the exchange between different-yet-same that results in us receiving from each other something that could not have come from within us.
And yet, conventional wisdom states that men and women cannot be friends, that sex gets in the way. What a sad thing that is. In my experience, the sexual tension only gets in the way if it goes unacknowledged.
I am female, you are male, we are hetero. We could form a sexual union. Or not. But sex is not the root of our affinity. Or is it?
Ah, the power of a question that does not require an answer. It is enough simply for us to be aware, awake, open, perceptive, inquisitive. The answers, like the questions, come in their own time.
One day, I hope the answer to the question “why can’t men and women be friends?” will be moot.
Regardless, I’ll continue with my hetero amity.
Dear Silken:
I just happened, through Literotica, to come upon this website and this article on hetero amity.
I am a recovering drug addict, and the issue you talk about is dealt with quite effectively in many cases.
When many women come into recovery, they have just the attitude you mention; i.e., other women are competitors, not to be trusted. However, through the process I have seen many women who develop meaningful, lasting friendships with other women.
I have seen a similar process with guys, as well, where trust is developed and lasting friendships occur.
Also, I have heard many women share of the joy they feel developing friendships with guys without being hit on. I have also heard guys almost brag that they have developed a friendship with a woman without sex being involved.
I can say for myself that I have many woman friends, none of which involve sex.
Thus for many people who commit themselves to the process of recovery, “why can’t men and women be friends” is truly moot.
Peace,
Steve
I agree with you it is sad. I think that if there could be friendship between the genders most people would find that they’d also be better lovers because of it. How much would it benefit both genders if we could relax around each other? Learn from each other and simply just enjoy some companionship? Sigh…
Although to be fair I could easily see friendship and trust leading to intimacy which could easily lead to romance and sex…
Ardor nailed it on the head. The more the male and the female hang out together, the more risk they put themselves in with sexual attentions being given to one another. Subtle flirting from both parties, more body contact during intimate conversations… the human instincts will tell them to engage in sex. The fantasy will atleast be present.